Hoo, it's been a little while hasn't it. At my last weigh-in, I tipped the scales at just under 249 lbs. On an absolutely full stomach the night before, my gut was 50" around--52" sitting down! I felt on top of the world, knowing that 250 was right around the corner.
The next day, though, I caught the flu. I was feeling like shit, but the fire to gain still burned inside me. So, I had a big breakfast despite my low appetite... which ended up being a really bad idea. I ended the day with a big fat zero on my calorie sheet, though it probably ended up being a negative intake, all things considered.
Either way, that's why I didn't post anything recently. I didn't want to dwell on how much weight I lost because of those few days of sickness, because the truth is I don't have anything to whine about. My desire to gain is one of the few things that keeps me going, lately. It seems to lift me up when I'm down. I know a lot of people are concerned that I might regret what I'm doing (especially because all of the noise FatFanPlus has been making lately--don't get me started), and I know I'll never be able to fully convince anyone of my desires, but it's moments like I had last week that prove it at least to myself.
Gaining Fire
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Hi, Pete:
ReplyDeleteThanks for keeping in touch with your fans, even when you don't feel like it. It is appreciated.
I always wonder, who the powers are that push the idea that people should be thin. Most of the world's population (even in "poor" countries) is more than thin, or, to use the so-called experts wording, are fat. It seems that our press has to continuously dwell on as many negative things as possible, whatever they may think of. And they haven't found out yet that being fat is much healthier than being thin!
To continue, we are "healthy". Except that we do catch both colds and the flu. Really, they are minor setbacks.
You have been making great efforts to develop yourself, with success, to be sure. It was sad to hear, that just as you were getting to the 250 plateau, you had this set-back. Surely, as you get over the flu, you will reach that intermediate goal.
As always, wishing you the very best for your avocation,
Norbert.
To answer Norbert: A lot of it is Western culture. Heck, in quite a few countries, heavier builds are more prized.
ReplyDeleteIt just happens that the general idea in at least the States is that slender (to an extent) is attractive. There are extremes - most people would be revolted by "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Hell, skinny guys aren't really seen as "attractive" as more muscular guys. But overweight physiques aren't really seen as that attractive, for the most part. (Of course, there are the obvious exceptions. ;) )
Back on topic - oh my. That...sucks, Pete. Hopefully, you're over your flu now.
It's a small setback, though.
that sucks dude, well i hope ur not to far set back good luck man
ReplyDeleteYou know, FatFanPlus is such a big disappointment. That guy's been up and down a number of times. He's posted thin pics of himself and he had loads of saggy skin on him, which indicates he'd been incredibly fat before that. That having been said, his multiple journeys from 185 pounds to 500 pounds and back down are the things that are unhealthy. You just keep doing what you are doing and you will be fine!It's the yo-yoing that gets people to have bad heart health.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling better and know that you have a lot of people out here you like you for who you are... and admire the physique you are crafting for yourself. Yes, those are two completely different things. You are not just a fattening body, you are a human being and need to be treated as such.
HUGS
I really enjoy your blog. i hope you can get to 260 soon.
ReplyDeleteThis is Russ aka Fatfanplus.
ReplyDeleteSomeone sent me an email pointing me to this recent blog of yours....
You posted:
--My desire to gain is one of the few things that keeps me going, lately. It seems to lift me up when I'm down. I know a lot of people are concerned that I might regret what I'm doing (especially because all of the noise FatFanPlus has been making lately--don't get me started), and I know I'll never be able to fully convince anyone of my desires, but it's moments like I had last week that prove it at least to myself.---
I've been living my life on my terms, and making the choices that I want to make for myself? Is that considered noise?
One of your readers replied to your blog saying how I'm a disappointment.....Because I'm not getting fat anymore and pleasing HIM, I'm the dissapointment....Typical reaction to 99% of enocuragers....They're all for you and supportive UNTIL you stop doing what gives that a hard on.... Maybe you haven't encountered any of that yet....
I am all for you gaining, if that's what you want to do...But just like I respect your desire to do so, please respect mine to lose mine and get in shape.
In case you didn't see it, I posted this on Bellybuilders last Summer explaining why I started this.
http://www.bellybuilders.com/messageboard/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=17704
Russ
To FatFanPlus:
ReplyDeleteI apologize for somewhat calling you out in this post. Truthfully, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that you’re losing your weight. Those old journal entries that you posted on LiveJournal were one of the most inspiring and memorable motivations for me to actually start gaining. I was jealous of the size you had and how easy it was for you to achieve. Of course it’s tough for me to see that you were unhappy with the kind of body I would kill for. I can’t be upset with you though; you’re only doing what you think will make you happy. That’s my number one rule for life. I’m only sad that you still don’t know what will make you happy.
But that’s noise I was referring to, how vocal you’ve been about how losing weight is such a great thing for you right now. I know you were only trying to keep in touch with your old gainer friends, but you still have a lot of pull in this community and you know it. It would have been better if you had just stayed away. When one of the largest and most vocal big guys out there announces that being fat “wasn’t the right thing” for you, it made a lot of noise. There are countless other guys out there who talk about the positives, but the fact is that one opposing voice is quite a bit louder than hundreds of supporting ones.
I’m more aware of my motivations than anyone else is. It’s just annoying that now, I have so many people asking me if I think I’ll end up like you: regretting all of this and wishing I was smaller-—an eternal grass-is-greener life. I constantly have to try to prove my motivations and confidence to people and I just can’t. I can’t make anyone believe me 100%, especially with folks like you out there. It’s making me unnecessarily insecure about this. But at the very least I know what I want and I know that my motives are stronger than yours, to put it bluntly.
I’m not sure if you’ll see this reply, but I know you’re not against gaining and I appreciate your small words of support. I had always wanted to chat with you back before I started (except now I’m somewhat glad I didn’t if you were so unhappy) and your progress is still motivation to me. I only hope you find your identity before it’s too late.
Yeah... I was all reactionary and wanted to get back here ASAP to retract that comment I made yesterday. Sorry, Russ.
ReplyDeleteHi everyone.
ReplyDeleteI must comment on StupidGit's response where he said :
"I’m only sad that you still don’t know what will make you happy".
What I want to say to you all is that I DO know what will make me happy....And it is getting in shape and continuing weight loss. I have been happier in the past 8 months than I have in years.
As for having pull in the Gainer community, I rarely post on BB, and I really don't keep in touch with many Gainers...The only thing I update is my Big Fat Fashion blog (plug plug plug).
I really don't have the time after just coming home from work to type a huge post, but I really want to explain myself because it seems many people do not have a complete understanding of my history and WHY I have had the weight ups and downs I've had.
I'll try to keep it short and concise.
I gained in my early 20s before I even knew what a Gainer was..Before there was an internet or Gaining community. I just had a deep internal desire to get fat. I went from 250 to 415 in under 2 years.
Family pressure forced me to lose it and I kept it off for almost 8 years.
After Sept 11th, I decided to gain again because I had the desire to get huge and now that I was in my early 30s and living on my own and supporting myself, I could do it without family getting in my way..
I went from around 225 to 485 in 3 years...For a while I enjoyed it immensely...But being 415 pounds at 22 is alot easier than being 485 pounds at 33...or 450 at 41.
The facts are that as you get older, it is alot harder to live life and be comfortable at 400+ pounds.
When doing ordinary things that 99.999% of people take for granted, HURT, you tend to question if being very fat is the right choice anymore.
The past few years before I decided to lose weight I had trouble with these things:
cant fit in a medical scan machine
high blood pressure
high chlorestrerol
job discrimination due to size
not fitting in cars well
not fitting in theater seats
not being able to go out with friends because they go to things where I can't fit
walking more than a block
back pain
knee pain
sweating buckets in the summer
not being able to play with my nephews and nieces
the list goes on and on...
But most importantly, my father died at 49 years old of heart issues. I knew I was playing with fire with gaining, but as I turned 40 I realized that if I wanted to live, I needed to get healthy.
I made the decision to keep that my getting FAT will have to be a fantasy in my head for j/o material. I will ALWAYS be attracted to chubs and superchubs.
That will never change.
I got to an age where I was not having any quality of life with my body being that heavy.
For you to suggest that it would have been better if I stayed away, and only kept in touch with some gainer friends privately, is absurd.
Let's face reality.
Most people who say they are Gainers, hardly ever gain much at all. Even those that do put on a considerable amount of weight (like you, well done!) rarely get over 400 or 500 pounds.
If anyone reading this has weighed 485 pounds, then they personally know what it feels like.
If I had a nickel for every post I've read of someone clamoring for the day that they are 400+ pounds...they are fantasize about the positive aspects of it...the softness of the body, how the rolls hang, the clothes are tight, etc....but until you ARE that fat, you won't understand the hardships that come with it.
I say again, I'm for anyone being whatever size they want to be. Fat or thin. It took me to be 41 to realize if I wanted to live and enjoy my life, I had to take action.
I'm about 1/100th as active on BB as I used to be, but if that it still to visible for some people, tough.
Just because I decided to live my life in a new direction, doesn't mean I should be cast aside like a turncoat, or garbage.
:O)
Hugs
Russ
Just wanted to say that I think you're really sexy and I can't wait to see you get bigger.
ReplyDeleteLoves. :)
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI've been casually following your blog for quite a while. Hearing the stories of a REAL young gainer has truly been a pleasure. Its given me the courage in a lot of ways to be open about my love of gaining + encouraging. I hope you feel better soon, and hopefully keep gaining. =D
Michael
P.S.~ The weight suits you. ;)
wow. gays and there drama. some things never change. wouldn't be a community without it...
ReplyDeletei was just gonna comment on the irony of the ads you have on your site - weight loss hormones. lolz.
fatfanplus - do what you want. my only beef is that gainerweb got taken down for a longggg time. and the new site sucks. so the gainer community or at least what i could find, scattered. not that i really have any standing to be upset with you, it was just disappointing.
oh, and pete, you're way hot. keep it up.
Ahh google.. doing some research on the debate of late and sure enough - found this on page 2 of the results.
ReplyDeleteGoogle is scary!