I'm deep enough into my gaining now that I've settled into a routine. Having a 9-to-5 job (and the money that comes with it) really helps, not only because I'm sitting on my rump all day. After squeezing into my pants, I have a quick breakfast, and make sure to pack all kinds of snacks in my bag before I leave. After snacking all day and a big lunch, by the end of each day I leave feeling bigger than when I arrived.
I'm not sure if it's this routine or if it's my own growing desire for size, but it feels easier to stay on track this time around. I've been recording all of my calories and I haven't missed a goal yet. As a result, I'm falling in love with my body again. I'm doing my best not to get too prideful, because I still have a long way to go, but I think I have quite a lot to be proud of so far.
On a related note, some people were asking for progress pictures, so I took a handful the other night, and even a video because I felt the pictures weren't doing justice. They can be found on my Flickr page here.
Week Two
Week One
This morning was a bit nerve-wracking. For almost a year now, I've avoided the scale because I knew I wouldn't like what I saw. I only forced myself to get my weight last week because I wanted a starting point, and it was hard to see how low I'd fallen. The scale was still an enemy.
Today we had a serious standoff. It's only been seven days since I started my regain but I desperately wanted to if I had made progress. I knew I did well. I started tracking my calories on MyPlate and never went under my daily goal. I haven't missed a gym day since moving in here. I started taking snacks to work and always eating breakfast. Even my work pants started to get pretty snug, so I knew I made progress.
But still, I knew that if I got on that scale with such confidence--as I have done many times before--only to learn that I had made no or negative progress, it would crush me. The scale doesn't lie to me. It can be a very heartless beast. But other times it is a source of great validation and motivation.
And in I couldn't keep myself from doing it. I had to know if I was truly on my way back up--and I am! I weighed 226.8 pounds this morning. Not yet a weight I can be proud of, but that amounts to a full 8-pound gain in just one week! Perhaps a new record for me. I have more motivation than ever to keep up the effort. It's becoming more and more enjoyable to go past my limits and I make a vow now to see progress every week until I get back to where I left off, no matter what.
Damage Report
This morning I officially weighed myself for the first time in months. The scale read 218 pounds. A weight I hadn't seen since late 2007 when I hit 220 for the first time.
The strange thing was, though, that I didn't feel like I had lost over thirty(!) pounds. I still had a little gut to play with, my legs were still flabby and I still had my favorite paunch. The only thing I knew was wrong was that my clothes were all too loose. It wasn't until I started looking through my old pictures that I started to notice. Even though I like my body as it is now, I am enamored with how I looked at 250. What I have now is nothing compared to what I loved about my 250lb body.
What's more, putting pictures of me now versus me at my highest weight side-by-side really helped me see just how more weight looks on me. It also helped me picture myself at weights I have yet to achieve, and I'm mesmerized with the thought of new, unrealized weights and I'm dying to get my weight back--I need more!
Months of watching videos of my favorite gainers, drawing impossibly fat men and lusting over gaining weight again have really helped with my kickstart. I've started counting my calories again, started shopping for more food (despite the higher cost of groceries here--bah!), and I'm recruiting my boyfriend for more help. And everyone's words of encouragement have been massive motivation! Thank you all.
Let the regain begin!
A Fresh Start
Looks like I'm back at it again!
This time last year, there were many aspects of my life that I wanted to change. I wanted a better job, a better apartment in a better town with more opportunities and, of course, a better body--and I was only really working towards one of those. And without the others, I would never achieve what I wanted. So, I put my gaining dreams on hold, as much as it pained me. I watched the pounds slip away so very quickly as I put more focus on employment. Without constant attention, I couldn't even maintain the weight I had gained. I lost so much weight that I had to poke three holes in my belt to get my work clothes to fit me. My self esteem seemed to dip as my weight neared 200lbs again.
But yet, I pressed on and made the best of it. I worked out much more frequently to give myself a nice muscular base to build on, and daydreamed about my plans for when I eventually restarted my gaining. As a result, I started doodling quite a bit, and began posting to deviantART. That gave me a lot of motivation.
Now, as I type this, I'm in an amazing apartment in a high rise outside Washington, DC. My cousin had a wonderful connection to a company that was absolutely perfect for me, and I just started there yesterday. Things have very fortuitously turned out for the best, after all my hard work, so now I feel like putting some of that work into getting bigger again.
I may still have my metabolism to work against, but the apartment complex we live in has a great free gym, there's a huge mirror in my bedroom for measuring progress, and I'm making enough money to stock my fridge, I'd say I've got a good shot this time.
