I officially broke 260 for the first time this morning! Three months after moving, I've porked up by over 40 pounds! I feel absolutely great; there's nothing quite like reaching new milestones--and since it's been over two years since this last happened, forgive me if I take a break from the usual pondering that I do every week and do a bit of self-indulging!
So, I snapped a bunch of photos of some of my old favorites and put them up on my Flickr, which you can see here. Click the photos for links to me wearing the same clothes from years ago!
On to 270!
Clothing, Milestones, and Clothing Milestones
Immobility
Because of the drawings I do, I get asked the immobility question a lot. Not that I mind--I love thinking about the possibility. My answer to the question is always the same, because I've (obviously) thought about this extensively.
To put it simply, two factors would have to be present for me to pursue immobility. One: I would need a lifestyle in which I could live comfortably and without money worries. Being immobile wouldn't be very pleasant if I lived in a shithole. And two: I would need to be guaranteed good health. I can live with being massively out of shape and only able to move a few feet at a time, but the thought of lymphedema or infections or anything that plagued the fattest men of history is quite the deal-breaker.
Basically, I would need to win the lottery and have a superhuman immune system.
Clearly I don't consider the thought of gaining to immobility to be a realistic goal. Historically, it seems that any man who reached that point did so unintentionally--be it because of a genetic issue, a predisposition to weight gain, or whatever. As a result, they tend to also be quite unhappy, be it because of their health or the negative attention they get. In fact, most superchubs of extreme size tend to not take kindly to gainers, perhaps because gainers speak very flippantly about the subject and don't consider the hardships that come with being so obese. (Not that it's bad to daydream, but they tend to take offense, in my experiences.)
It is my opinion that a normal person gaining with the intention of one day being immobile due to their own extreme weight will sadly never reach that goal without some significant help. I'm not aware (and someone please correct me if I'm mistaken) of any gainer who has intentionally fattened his way to the point of immobility. Quite a lot of us talk about it, but the task is so daunting that it tends to remains fantasy talk. I've been fortunate enough to chat with some guys of pretty remarkable size, but the fact is that the number of guys who've intentionally gained past, say, 500lbs is unfortunately low.
This is not to say that I am against the idea of immobility. Quite the contrary, if you could guarantee me my two conditions, you'd probably see me in the Guiness book tomorrow. I've thought about this to the point that I know that I would have no qualms with giving up my current lifestyle for one in which I am confined to my own house because of my size. I could easily picture the life--good and bad aspects alike--and I would kill for it. This thought of gaining to unrealistic sizes is what keeps a lot of us gainers going, even if we know deep down it will probably never happen. The thought of my own body becoming so utterly massive and all-consuming is probably one of the hottest thoughts, to me. I can't explain why, just like most other aspects of my gaining, but I really wish I could. You could say that immobility is the ultimate fantasy for me.
Unfortunately, it will probably have to remain fantasy. Even if I was one of those guys who was just predisposed to balloon to a thousand pounds, I don't know if I could get past the realistic concerns that come with such a lifestyle. Who knows, though. Should I ever, by some crazy stroke of luck, ever gain to 500+ pounds or so, I imagine I'd reconsider--you only live once, afterall.
Maybe I should start buying lottery tickets.
Seeing is Believing
I'm a pretty severe introvert. I love nothing more on a weekend evening than to just sit around the house and draw or play a video game. When someone invites me out, my gut reaction is to make up an excuse and avoid going. I had a few friends in college, but as they graduated and moved away, I didn't feel like making new ones.
As a result, I'd never actually met up with a gainer before. Back in Kentucky, my poor friend Aaron had to basically stalk me to get me to meet up with him. It was literally more likely that we ran into each other by coincidence than intentionally. I regretted this horribly when I finally moved away, because I had missed out on the one thing that I was dying to do--touch a big man's gut.
That sounds rather creepy putting it like that, but I had never once felt a big guy's belly in my own hands. I grew up with a fat father, I ogled big guys on the street and I drew men at impossibly fat weights, but I never truly knew what it would feel like, even if it wasn't my own fat.
Aaron was actually in town last weekend for the second DC Grommoff, and I knew I couldn't pass up the opportunity this time. I decided that, in moving here, I would try and come out of my shell a bit and start making some friends.
This picture means so much to me. This is the first step for me becoming more social. I'm so glad I went. All the guys in this picture are such nice people and I will never forget that day. I made so many friends that I hope I will be able to hang out with many more times in the future.
The thing that stood out to me the most, though, was how much bigger people are in person compared to their photos. I actually ran into Aaron and Mr. SFBayDude02 himself in the subway, and I was blown away at how big they were. I spotted them from two train cars away! It really reminded me just how much I have to grow before I can really consider myself 'big.'
And of course, everyone there was open to belly rubs, (hell, that's why most of us came, I bet!) so I finally got my chance to feel what a 400-pound belly felt like. It was glorious, if I can gush. It really changed my thoughts about big guys--my daydreams and drawing ideas feel much more real now. Most importantly, my desire to grow that to that size has been reaffirmed ten-fold. As great it was to finally feel a massive belly in my hands, I want it for myself!
