Gaining an Encourager

What a week this was. I ended up gaining a bit over six pounds, due in large part to a big day of eating on Wednesday. I ended up eating over 8000 calories that day, but I don't think I could have done it without my boyfriend's encouragement.

For those of you who don't know, he and I have been together nearly six years now. We met through my drawings and our mutual love of big men. He, though, much preferred muscle over fat. He knew that I preferred the opposite, but for the first few years of our relationship, he had no idea that I wanted to be fat.

I remember the day I told him about the idea. We were both stuck at our homes (mine in Kentucky, his in Colorado) during summer break. I had brought up the idea before he left, and we were talking about it over instant messages. He seemed to have really gotten into the idea, and we were talking about how to approach gaining when we moved into our new apartment that fall. He said some things that were so encouraging and memorable, I kept a Word file of quotes that I still have to this day.

Once we moved into our first apartment and actually started, though, his excitement somewhat faded away. Not being much of an affectionate man to begin with, our online interactions didn't translate well into actual life (as I'm sure many people in long-distance relationships can attest to). He started worrying about my health, and I could tell that he missed my trim, lean body as it started to plump up. On top of this, he was trying to lose weight himself, so it was understandably hard for him to encourage me to gain while he was struggling with his own body issues.

Still, he supported me. He never suggested that I stop and lose weight for his sake. All he wanted was for me to be happy. It was difficult gaining without real support, though, so I turned to the internet for some encouragement. This is why I have been blogging for so long--the compliments and encouragement I get here and from people I chat with somewhat made up for not having a dedicated encourager.

However, lately, things seem to have changed a bit with him. At work recently, he admitted that he was getting more turned on by my regained heft--and the morph I did of myself. It really has started to feel like the bigger I get, the more he gets into the idea of me being even bigger. On my 8000 calorie day, he was the one who suggested we go out to eat a big meal, and he wouldn't let us leave until I cleared my plate--and even after, he made us get dessert.

I can't tell you how turned on I was, it was an amazing feeling. Gaining because you want to, and gaining because your partner wants you to are on two vastly different levels of encouragement. I know I am very lucky to have this guy, with or without him playing the role of feeder/encourager.

It makes me wonder, though, about gainers in relationships. Is it better to look for an encourager as a partner, or should you only bring up the idea of gaining after you find someone you have a connection with? This, however, is a complicated topic for another day--I must get back to eating.