One would think that the Christmas and Thanksgiving would be the favorite time for a gainer, and I can see them becoming that way in the future. But for now, I'm stuck going home and spending time with my family. Now, I'm out and everything to them about my sexuality, but I suppose I'm still in the closet about gaining. And it's becoming impossible to hide it.
My sister just calls me "big." She thinks my thighs are huge, and said I look like a football player. My mother, on the other hand, is very passive about it (just as she is about everything she judges about my life), bringing up me "putting on extra weight" and so forth. I know that she disapproves, obviously. My father, while usually quiet about such things, just came up to me and asked how much I was planning on gaining (almost as though he knew what I was doing). He actually has something to say about it because he's a fairly large man and he does not really like it. He told me "its much harder to lose it than it is to gain it." Which is certainly true, but I don't plan on losing it, barring some sort of health side-effect.
I know they mean well, and gaining certainly isn't something a parent would approve of. But it's just another reminder that I'm still young and I've still got people telling me what to do. Being without my feeder hubby, I'm actually a bit discouraged at the moment--the first time since I began. Two days of a negative atmosphere is not helping me make gaining a large part of my life.
I just don't know what I'm going to do as I get bigger. More and more they are going to hound me, even though they have no place to talk about weight. I want to just tell them that this is how I want to look and what makes me happy, but I can't see them understanding. And besides, it's extremely embarrassing to talk about that sort of thing with them.
This has ended up being more of a venting rant than a thought-out blog post. I just needed to get that off my chest. I'm sure that some of you all can relate. Any thoughts on this would really be appreciated.
I really need to get home.
Home for the Holidays
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey Sweetie,
ReplyDeleteFirst thing I want to say is merry Christmas and I hope that for the rest of it…your doing alright.
As for your family I know they can be unsupportive at times but they only do what they can to show you that they care and that their still their for you, despite the fact that it makes you feel differently.
Just focus on the fact that deep down they still love you and want to see you happy. I think that you don’t necessarily have to explain anything to them, you now live on your own and support yourself along with your mate and that entitles you to choose the lifestyle you want. They need to be understanding that your not the “kid” anymore. But then again…they might always see you that way. In the end family is family and how you deal with them is up to you. But love them just as well. They don’t mean to hurt you, its just that they don’t realize that they do. Not until you tell them or show them that they do.
For now Hun…Remember that you do have another family. All of us here love and support you fully in your quest to grow large. I see it as you giving us more to love, something bigger to pour more caring and warmth into. So let your family be them, where as us here….were all ready to give you that hug and tell you how good your looking.
Here’s to many more years and many more pounds shared with the people you love.
*hands you a something very large and very heavy* It’s a fruitcake and a cheesecake together in one. *chuckles* I made the fruitcake using actual fruit and nothing artificial or anything like that. So it should be very good, I put a layer of cheesecake on top and included some preserves to spread on top, strawberry, cherry, gooseberry, and orange. Enjoy sweetie…and happy holidays. *kisses your cheek*
From The big Orca
This is a tough situation with your family. Eventually, you have to totally convince your family that you are happy with your life. They have been open-minded enough to accept your partner and you will have to convince them that you are happy with your body. Gaining is not a mainstream idea. Your parents have more life-experience than you and are just concerned - I have a feeling that it will work out fine.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, I know EXACTLY how you feel! Being around family when you are bulking can be miserable, but as others said, they are only doing what a family does and they have no idea they are hurting your feelings.
ReplyDeleteYou do have to keep front and center in your mind that what you are doing is for YOU. Its not accepted by most of the outside world (especially within minorities like the gay community)and its a very specific point of view to have. Once you get home to your man, you will rebound. You will find your sweet spot with him and get right back into the groove. Dont worry about your family, chances are you will get those comments from them for a long time, maybe forever. Because no matter how old you get, you are always your parents' child.
It's understandable, very normal even for parents to be concerned about anything potentially health risking. They'll be the same way if you're smoking, drinking too much, too skinny, etc. It's biologically programmed. Next to impossible to not try and steer a child away from these coral reefs.
ReplyDeleteIf they are like my parents, the way they controlled your behavior is through approval and disapproval. Recognize that manipulation mechanism for what it is. You're making your own decisions now, and though it's nice to do what your parents want, the more you try, the more miserable you become.
There are some really huge men who are the picture of health (at least when you have enough imagination to believe anybody that fat can be healthy). My own dad must be 75+ and he's not only very fat, but has high blood pressure and is an alcoholic. He has a hiatus hernia, which is a definite sign you need to cut back on the huge meals, but he's not done that for all of my life. He's not cut back on his 3x daily (or more) vodka and grapefruit juice cocktails, either.
He should be way dead by now. He's not. If he can be such a old farty cuss and drink and eat like that, hell if you can't! Especially since you're not really guzzling down beer like crazy, eh?
You also have buffed up some. If push comes to shove, you'll get the weight down to where any health problems will have pretty much subsided to a safe level, and I bet even then you'll manage to keep a pot belly!
I have been thinking of you at 650 and 700 myself lately! ;)
Hugs buddy, just remember that they love you, and eventually will get used to the new, improved version. :) And look at it this way, if your dad is already big, the genes are in place and it'll be easy for you to pork out. ;)
ReplyDeleteIf you're family's concerned enough, but can still see a definite change in you, then don't you think you're doing a good job? :? It just seems like the family would be the ones who notice changes like that and point it out.
ReplyDeleteWell, here's hoping it doesn't discourage you that much :P Oh, and from now on, I'll be commenting as Getsu instead of "The First brandon to Show Up" :P
ReplyDeleteHappy Holidays. Was directed to your blog by another friend and wanted to offer something for your consideration:
ReplyDeleteNegotiating boundaries with family and friends is a part of living the life *you* want. It isn't about living your life the way your family wants. If you take a firm stance of "take me or leave me", your family won't abandon you if they value you as a person with your own life to lead and someone they love. There may be an estrangement period following that showdown, but in the end, you have to decide what's more important to you, making yourself happy...or looking for approval from your family.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteSad to read about the Christmas hassles but whether it is a different colour hair or different clothes - or growing a beard! - we always confront our past when we visit family. What we do to our appearance is just the surface manifestation of a deeper change in u.
Add to that the "Christmas" thing, with potential battles simmering under the surface. But the battle is on their front, not yours, as u need to move with your head and heart (and belly!) and they need to adjust to u and it is not for u to adjust to them.
Maybe this Christmas is the worst u will face as they will accept u as being fat in the future.
Do not feel dispirited by all this - it is a shock for them, to see u beefy. But it is sad for u, as u just want to be back in the family and they perhaps want to lecture u and disapprove. Many of us have been there.
Good luck, do not be too harsh on your family (they will adjust). Go on doing what u were doing b4 Christmas and just give the family space to catch up with how u are now - they will not be as positive as us guys are about your gaining!
Reading the other comments here I hope u will have added comfort.
Take care.
Leo
well if ur dad is big u probably would have gotten big naturaly in the future ur just speeding up the process the bigger u get the more they will come to terms with it
ReplyDelete