Just like I have moods when I'm drawing, I have different moods when it comes to thinking about my body. Right now, probably because I've lost a bit of weight, I miss being fatter. Looking at my pictures on here, and all the compliments I get on them makes me just want to gain it all back and more right now.
But its a conflicting thing. When I was fatter, I would look in the mirror sometimes and think that I would look better with just muscle. And now I look in the mirror and I miss my little gut. I guess I'm one of those grass-is-always-greener guys.
At the gym, though, I always feel good. When I was fatter, I felt different. In a good way, mind you. Everyone else was pretty toned, but I looked nice and bulky. I miss that too. I want to be unique, but as everyone knows, America is a very fat nation. Outside the gym, I feel that being fat just makes me another normal guy, even though I know there are guys like me out there that love that.
I care a lot about what people think of me. Right now, I look pretty buff, and I like to think that people notice that. Naturally, muscle attracts more people than big guts, and as a result I sometimes think that my self esteem would be better off if I was a meathead.
Other times I think, "Fuck it, I want to be huge." Like, forget about everything else and just get as big as I can. All the comments I get on here and YouTube and various other places make me feel really good about myself when I'm fat, and the comments I get from the real world out here make me feel good when I'm just buff. I have my pros and cons with both types, its hard to decide what I like more.
Confliction
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You don't see 350 pound men everywhere! Trust me! You would get noticed! Its not all about that, its doing what is right for YOU! Obviously the idea of body transformation turns you on. So either way your doing what you like. Just know that this community supports your weight gain if that's the direction you want to go! You were the inspiration for me to start my gaining blog. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with leofatboy. You just want to become huge, be it either muscle or fat and you're doing that. Just keep up what you're doing and keep being happy with it. ^^ We'll keep supporting and rooting for you, whatever way you decide.
ReplyDeleteLook inside yourself for happiness and you won't find it. The grass will always be greener.
ReplyDeleteYou will be happiest when you can find something meaningful to focus your energy into -- something positive that benefits humanity.
Find a healthy weight, stick with it, and focus on something else. I understand this shatters the purpose of your gaining blog entirely, but your body is not meant to be some customizable toy that fluctuates in shape and size all the time. This addiction could get very dangerous.
Eat right, exercise right, get good rest and you'll slim down naturally and your body will function as it's meant to -- and you'll be much happier. Then you can focus your talents (writing and art, for starters) into things that bring joy and beauty into the world rather than feeding these sexual addictions.
Being a big fat guy would not make you just another guy. We are a fat nation but most people consider fat to be 200lbs. Like leofatboy said, either way, you're doing what you like. Personally, I think you'd be happier if you were fat since becoming fat was your first and original intention. The first thing you liked. We'll still support you either way you go.
ReplyDeleteI think you look pretty good with more weight - muscle are the belly, I don't care. When one compares the old, skinny pics and the one with more weight...the new ones definitely win. But that's just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteWell, the thing that sets you apart from the rest is that the rest of them A) They didn't gain the weight intentionally, B) They are always wishing they were thinner and you seem to want to be fatter, C)You revel in your growth and the rest of the fat people are "just fat".
ReplyDeleteWhy not do both and gain both muscle and fat? You look awesome, the bigger you are.
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