Diary of a Gainer

I'm quite disappointed in myself. Back when I first started this blog, I promised myself that I would stick to it and not let it collect dust like every other Blogger blog out there. It was quite easy to maintain that promise while I was still gaining weight like crazy and attracting so much attention. Granted, this blog has already outlasted the majority of blogs on the web, but as the pounds stopped piling on, there was less and less to talk about.

It is entirely my fault, this dust-collecting. I tried too hard to make it interesting to you, the readers, to read. It's hard to not become infatuated with the attention I've been given over the years. But unfortunately, that meant if I couldn't think of anything worth writing about, I didn't write anything at all. So, in an attempt to reignite my desire to chronicle this experience of mine, I've given the old blog a new coat of paint and I've decided to change up the tone a bit.

So, from now on this is more of a journal than a blog. The main reason I keep this place alive is that I want to be able to look back on my experiences. I want to be able to remember what it was like to be that skinny, pale 140-pound teenager yearning for a body he could be proud of. While I would hope it were interesting enough for folks to check on a regular basis, I'm going to stop worrying about that and focus more on keeping my motivation alive.

It has been tough lately, though. I have a huge test tomorrow up in Chicago that has taken up almost every ounce of my attention over the past few months, and I'm not even sure if I can pass this year! On top of that, my boyfriend was generous enough to share his (swine?) flu with me here in our shoebox apartment, so I'm not even going to be at 100% mental strength for it. Despite this, I've been in oddly good spirits. I feel as if my belly has grown in the past few weeks, even if the scale says no change in weight. Every morning, I'm greeted by a shapely form that I cannot resist hefting and wobbling in the shower. It's sparked quite a bit of creativity in me, as well--I've been doodling occasionally and have some very creative story ideas floating around my head just begging to be written down.

It is amazing what being happy in your body does for your esteem. The only thing that bums me out is that I haven't been to the gym since graduating college in May. I've been doing occasional push-ups and curls with milk jugs, but somehow it's just not quite the same. Hopefully by the time it gets warmer around here again, I'll have a job and enough income to start going to a real gym again.

Then again, I've said something along those lines almost every month. Who knows what'll happen this time.