About a month ago, I got an interview request from a Canadian newspaper, in response to that Donna Simpson woman who made some noise talking about how she wants to be the world's fattest woman. I agreed to do the interview, and it was a pretty pleasant experience.
The article got published today. Somewhat late to the party, but still an interesting read. It ended up focusing more on me than gainers as a whole, so it's rather embarrassing for me to read. The author ended up posting a link to this blog, so I suppose I should acknowledge the extra traffic I'm getting today.
I hope I did a good job making gainers seem not entirely crazy, because truth be told, we are a bunch of freaks. Sure, there are some really crazy people among us, but that's true with anything in this vein. I guess I'm used to being a deviant, though. I expect people to not understand because even I don't really understand. Just like the author of that article repeated a few times, I just do what feels natural. Still, with all the other crazy shit people blog about these days, I hope I'm not the craziest you've ever seen.
But fear not, Canadians. I am not a leech on your health care system, for I am just another overweight American. I imagine it's more unusual for Canadians to hear about stupid fat people doing stupid fat people things. We're used to it down here in the States, I suppose. It's what we do.
Interviewed
Sizing Up
I'm making an odd amount of progress lately. In just the past week, I've apparently gained three pounds. And it's noticeable too.
As a result, though, I had no choice but to get some new clothing. Apparently, though, I'm in a size range that designers don't seem to think about much. Looking for shorts the other day, I discovered I'm about a size 42. The trouble is, most regular size shorts only go up to 40, and Big and Tall sizes are no smaller than 44. Fortunately, I only barely squeeze into these 42s that I found, so hopefully I won't be in this awkward size for long.
In addition, I decided I should probably move up to size XL shirts. Vacuuming out my car the other day, I noticed that bending down resulted in some pretty extreme plumber's crack. The other trouble is, most larger-sized shirts are just scaled-up normal sizes, so they end up being really long (like, down to my knees long) or the sleeves are big enough for my legs to fit through. I did discover (and here's a good gainer tip, I suppose) that 'fitted' tshirts work pretty well if you stretch out the belly. So I bought a few of them.
I always knew that outgrowing clothing and searching for stylish bigger clothing would be kind of a pain as I got bigger, but for some reason, I kind of like this side-effect of gaining. Something about how uncommon my body is becoming is kind of nice. Every time I pick up a bigger size, I think "This thing is huge! There's no way I could fit into it." But, lo and behold, the pair of shorts that I thought were big enough to use as a sail end up being too small for me!
Anyway, some people have been asking about a new video. It's been almost a year since my last one, so I thought maybe I could do a "250lbs... again" video or something, but at this rate, maybe I'll just wait until 260. As long as I didn't just jinx myself.
Gym Fat
I recently rediscovered the little 'gym' in my apartment complex. They added this nifty cable machine that covers my needs pretty well, so I started going a few times a week. It's usually empty at night, which is a little creepy, but I don't much mind.
It had been almost 9 months since I last worked out. The day after I first went there, I literally couldn't get out of bed my arms were so sore. Not having a free full-service gym like I had in college really discourages you from going--that and when it's cold I never feel like leaving the apartment. But I had forgotten how much healthier (and bigger) going to the gym makes me feel.
I had always wanted to make sure I have a big upper body to match my lower half. (In a perfect world, something like Dozerbear's) So far it seems to be working well. I measured my chest last night to find it was 51" around--two inches bigger than my gut. I never really thought of myself as having a big chest, but I'm starting to notice it more and more. The giant mirror in that workout room certainly helps.
Oh, and this morning the scale told me 250lbs! I'm going to wait until tomorrow to start celebrating, though--just in case.
Gaining Fire
Hoo, it's been a little while hasn't it. At my last weigh-in, I tipped the scales at just under 249 lbs. On an absolutely full stomach the night before, my gut was 50" around--52" sitting down! I felt on top of the world, knowing that 250 was right around the corner.
The next day, though, I caught the flu. I was feeling like shit, but the fire to gain still burned inside me. So, I had a big breakfast despite my low appetite... which ended up being a really bad idea. I ended the day with a big fat zero on my calorie sheet, though it probably ended up being a negative intake, all things considered.
Either way, that's why I didn't post anything recently. I didn't want to dwell on how much weight I lost because of those few days of sickness, because the truth is I don't have anything to whine about. My desire to gain is one of the few things that keeps me going, lately. It seems to lift me up when I'm down. I know a lot of people are concerned that I might regret what I'm doing (especially because all of the noise FatFanPlus has been making lately--don't get me started), and I know I'll never be able to fully convince anyone of my desires, but it's moments like I had last week that prove it at least to myself.
Enamored
Lately I've been infatuated with the physics of my belly. I'm starting to notice how it moves with me, how it gets in the way, and it makes me daydream about how it will feel when I'm bigger. The more attention I pay to it, the easier it becomes to imagine sizes like 300, 400. I like to think I don't romanticize it, but I can't help lusting over those sizes.
I love it. I love every little change that comes about from my growth. I want more. More growth, more changes. When I look at myself in the mirror, I love what I see more and more. Whenever I take a photo with my camera, though, it looks smaller. I've always had that problem--the camera always seemed to take weight off of my frame (and put it in my head, apparently). I'll keep trying though.
Ten Up
Still unemployed over here in snowy Kentucky. Gradually I seem to need to lower my standards more and more until I'll end up working at Starbucks again or something. Thankfully, both my parents and my in-laws donated grocery store gift cards to us, so I've been able to stick to my diet.
I've been keeping pretty detailed track of my calories every day for the past five weeks. Since I have a pretty simple diet, it's been easy to keep track of what I eat. I'm so glad that most fast food places keep their nutritional info online, but sometimes I just have to guess (I'm looking at you, every Chinese restaurant ever).
Still, things are actually progressing well with my weight. This morning I weighed about 245, which is a gain of about ten pounds since starting this plan. I can really feel this weight, too; it's much more noticeable and tangible. When I do finally get back to 250, it'll be interesting to see the difference between that weight and the first time I weighed that much.
I'm dying to feel it again. I'm already so attracted to this weight, I want more. And so does my boyfriend, now. Slowly he's turning into a real encourager.
The Curse of 240
This 'rule' is what I've been basing my new diet on. I aim to eat 4000 calories a day. It's actually been a very easy target to achieve, given the resources. Under no circumstance am I ever to eat less than 2500 calories a day. Even if I'm sick and vomiting. Even if there's no food in the house. This way I should never see a decline in my weight, and theoretically gain about three pounds a week.
Then again, it's rarely worked for me like that in actuality. There've been times in the past where I've gained a lot faster than I should have and of course there have been times where I've eaten 10-pounds-worth of calories and not seen a change at all.
Since starting this diet two weeks ago I have almost gained the six pounds I should have, but on the other hand, I'm really tired of seeing 240. I've hit this milestone probably a dozen times--the first time being nearly two years ago! I would have been ecstatic to see 241. Or even 240.1. But my new scale proudly announced two-hundred and forty.
I never want to see that number again. Ever.
I'm going to go eat.
