Lately I've gotten a lot of compliments on my size, but it's not usually what I expect. The other day, a bunch of my coworkers started clamoring over the size of my arms. I was pretty dumbfounded, as I never thought them to be very out of the ordinary. But the handful of girls (as well as my supposedly-straight manager) kept talking about how big I was, asking how much I lifted and such.
I did enjoy the attention, though I was pretty embarrassed. It also made me wonder how long I would be considered "big" by my peers. There is usually a point where a man crosses into the "fat" category (which is generally a negative thing). I would love to remain in the former for as long as I can. A big guy would be, say, a linebacker in football or a powerlifter. A fat guy would be someone who looks doughy, has little to no muscle definition (small arms or something compared to the size of their waist).
Very few men can retain that quality as they grow to extreme proportions. One great example, though, is MassiveOx (or BigBryan). Sadly, he had to essentially remove his presence from the internet, but he's always been one of my gaining idols. Because of the size of his muscles and the firmness of his gut, he's a man of great size that still retains that sense of "bigness." Unfortunuately, his results are probably mostly a result of genetics, but who's to say I don't share similar genes?
I've been thinking about these sorts of things a lot recently. I'm in my last year of college, so I'm taking a handful of electives. This semester, I'm taking a nutrition class and a weight training class with my boyfriend. The nurition class is populated (and taught by) by short, blonde, skinny sorority girls who get very visably disgusted when an overweight person is shown. To say I feel out of place is a bit of an understatement, but I find it very interesting. The weight training class, however, I feel like someone the beginner students look up to.
I'll never have what the general public would consider an ideal body, but knowing that there's people out there who find my size attractive, I don't think I care. Sure, it's important for you to like your own body and of course that's the main reason I'm gaining, but it's also imporant to get encouragement and positive feedback from others. The wonderful feedback I get from folks on the internet assures me that there are people out there in public who are thinking good things about me, even if I don't hear it.
Big versus Fat
the bears are starting to hibernate
It's starting to get cold here in Kentucky, and everyone's starting to cover up. For whatever reason, people here have seemingly no cold tolerance and start wearing jackets once it falls below 55 degrees. And that includes the bigger guys, too!
This does terrible things for my walks to class. I always get such nice views of men wearing as little as they comfortably can to ease the heat. Now they're all wearing baggy hoodies, and sadly I am not an exception. I had just bought some new shirts that showed off my body really well, and now they're all covered up by the same top.
I was pretty happy when I bought it last year, because when I tried on the large, it was absurdly tight. Very big ego boost. Unfortunately, the extra-large was much bigger, so I end up looking smaller in it. It takes a real big man to still look big in outerwear, and unfortunately I'm not there yet.
But luckily with the winter comes holidays and eating. Here's hoping I can catch up to my goal by the year's end.
drawing as a means of expression
I've been drawing for over five years now. For four of those years, I've used a self-named lion character to express myself in various ways. Since the beginning (which was when I was still single), he's been a means of sexual release. Why draw a lion and not just myself? I'm still not entirely sure. Early in my drawing days, I was coaxed by a friend to create an animal character I thought I could relate to. I chose a lion because I had been told I have feline traits, and my hair at the time resembled a mane.
I keep drawing Pete because I loved to express my life though his. Whatever happened to me, happened to him. I went through puberty, he grew up as well. I started going to the gym, he became muscular. I cut my hair, he cut his. When I started gaining, he became fat, and as my goals become larger, so do his.
Now, Pete is essentially an exaggeration of my own desires--what I would do in a fantasy world. A world with no health concerns, where mobility problems only exist if you want them to, and you have the ability to change your size on a whim. Feeling creative the other day, I wrote up a story about him visiting a distant friend of his who happened to be immobile. He, nearing a similar size, wanted to learn about life at that weight. While working on the story, it hit me: I'm doing the same thing.
I have no real goal in mind. I simply want to grow and see if my urge to get bigger slows or magnifies. Is my weight gaining journey like a race to the finish line, or more like a snowball rolling downhill? I had never seriously thought about the idea of gaining to the point of reduced mobility, but suddenly it has become an object of serious curiosity. It would be a serious, life-changing decision to make, but luckily I won't have to make it for a long while. For now, I will explore the idea through Pete.
Growin' but not Gainin'
Man, I'm really bad at this Sunday thing. I've been really busy with school and life, even though looking at the amount of downtime I have, you wouldn't think that. My parents sure don't.
Anyhow, I'm still hovering around 240 pounds unfortunately. I was hoping to have gained at least five pounds by now. But, fortunately, I seem to be growing regardless. If you notice from my icon to the right there, as well as the pictures from in the past that the biggest my gut has ever been was 47 inches on a full stomach.
Now, my gut is nearly 48 inches around. Over 48.5 sitting down (although its hard to measure myself when the tape keeps falling down my lovehandles). So while I may not be able to brag about my weight as much lately, at least I know something's getting bigger on me.
That measurer, by the way, is such a great invention.
Changing Goals
Gaining is hard work. Growing up in Kentucky and seeing that the vast majority of the people around me are pretty heavy, you'd think that gaining weight would be easy. I guess it comes down to how you're raised. I'm working hard to get over how easy it is for me to just forget to eat. If I'm busy working on something and I hear my stomach growl, I'm so used to just ignoring it. I really need to get over that.
Anyway, this weekend has been really busy. Went to my parents' today to see their new puppy, so I didn't have time to think off a good post. However, yesterday I stumbled upon this video on Chubspot. I can't tell you how quickly I got turned on by this man. He's not particularly attractive, and before I would have been completely repulsed by his gut, but I've never seen a man that big before. A man who is still mobile, doing things I've never seen a man of his size do (like "sex," in one of the other videos). I never thought I'd see a man that large (he's got to be over 600 pounds!) and actually... want to be that big. I really doubt I could ever get that large; there's so many conditions that'd have to be met for it to even be possible, but it has gotten me daydreaming.
I wouldn't mind it at all, I think. So who knows how big I'll end up.
Jealousy
Haha, so I'm not very good at keeping a schedule. But that's what forcing me to update on Sundays is for, I suppose.
Not much happened this week on the gainer front. It was a very busy and stressful week at school, so that's what occupied most of my time. I have been eating well, the online guide has been very helpful. I haven't been gaining as fast as I'd like to, which makes me feel small sometimes. When I get this way, I tend to get jealous very easily. (I also don't take any pictures, sorry!) Like, even though I went to the gym today and thought I looked pretty good in the mirror, shortly after I left I was already back looking at other guys and wishing I had their size.
It happens pretty often when I get this way. Going out to eat the other night, I spotted a guy who I see at the gym from time to time. This guy is short, but massive. The kind of guy that sticks out in a crowd just because he's so different. That's the kind of impact I want to have, so every time I see him I get so envious. I guess it's a bad thing that I get so jealous, but at the same time it's good that I always have something to look up to.
I've thought about doing a regular thing on this blog about some of the men who inspire me to keep growing. Maybe even interview them or something. I don't know, I'll think about it some more this week.
Strategies
I'm officially back to 240 pounds again! I don't know why I'm so different, but man did the weight not come back twice as fast. Perhaps that's just a myth. Perhaps I didn't lose enough for it to apply. Who knows.
I'm taking a weight lifting course with my boyfriend for elective credit at college. We were required to make three goals for the end of the semester, and one of mine was to gain 20 pounds. ("You sure are ambitious," said the teacher) In order to reach my goal of 280 by May, I should naturally have gained half of that by December. I've developed a couple of strategies to help me achieve that goal, and they just might help you other young gainers out there.
One of them is eating fast. My boyfriend had always told me that I ate too slow, and because I get full fast, I wasn't eating as much as I could. Before, I didn't know how to speed myself up, but I figured out a way. By basically shoveling food into my mouth and drinking a little bit of liquid (like when I take pills) I'm able to swallow a large amount in one gulp. Of course, I don't get to really enjoy the food I'm eating, but on days when I'm behind on calories it's very helpful.
The other thing I'm doing is tracking my calories. I had tried this before, and stopped because of it required too much effort, but my boyfriend started his diet and was using TheDailyPlate.com to track his calories, and he told me that you can tell it you want to gain weight instead of lose, so I tried it out. You can also watch what I eat there if that helps you, I don't fill everything out as thoroughly as I should, but I'm getting better! Now that I know the amount of calories I need to eat to gain two pounds a week, so I'm trying to eat that amount each day, and this helps me know when I need to step it up and so forth.
Also, I'm going to try and update this blog every Sunday now. That'll help you guys keep up with me, and make me update more often. And with any luck with system, I should be two pounds heavier with each update!
