Boy, I missed writing on here. Thank you to everyone who asked how I was doing and sent their regards. I apologize profusely for sort of disappearing so suddenly (as bloggers tend to do), but so much happened that gaining was so far back in my head that I couldn't even bother thinking about it.
Shortly after that last post, my childhood cat Joey (who made a cameo in that last photo) stopped eating. He was fifteen years old and seemed to be on his way downhill. I had to take him to the vet, find out the grim news that there was nothing they could do and put him down. Watching him being put to sleep was by far the hardest thing I had to do in my life. He had been my best friend since I was seven years old.
I was extremely depressed for a while after that. No appetite, no motivation--nothing. Coupled with that, I was desperately searching for a job with no results. Things finally started getting better though, and these days I'm doing alright again. I managed to land myself an unpaid internship, and my parents offered to help me out until it leads to something with income.
I have thought about gaining again. I haven't been able to mention gaining on Twitter, as my sister and subsequently my mother found me on there, so I have to keep that mum over there. But, I do really want to continue, I just cannot at the moment. Since I've graduated, I no longer have gym access and because the job is unpaid I have no money for food. I'm sorry I haven't posted, but all I would talked about was what I wish I could do and complain, and I know no one is really interesting in hearing that.
Things are getting better though. I'm still hovering around what appears to be my new base weight of 240. I'll be back before too long.
Recovering
Rebound
It's amazing what a simple trip to the doctor can fix. I got prescribed Prilosec for my heartburn, even if that wasn't the main reason I went, and it's done wonders already. I should have tried the stuff when I had the chance, but I misread the price and dosing and all that.
But that's all in the past now, I suppose. Now that my throat doesn't clog up when I eat, I'm able to eat much larger meals without any real trouble. Meals that I couldn't finish just a couple weeks ago are a snap to finish now. I also picked up some weight gain powder at the new Vitamin Shoppe that's opened up in town, so things are looking good. My weight is steadily recovering, and I hope to be back to 250 soon.
I had to put this new appetite to the test, though. I always thought that pizza was a good measuring point for my capacity. When I was little, I could only have a couple of slices, and in my early months of gaining I could force myself to finish one large on an empty stomach. Before now, I was back down to just a half of a large, but with that fixed, I wondered if I could go back to a full one. The results? Success! Not even on an empty stomach, even. It took me quite some time, but by the end of it I wasn't ready to explode. Just comfortably content, and proud. I'd call that progress.
Doctors
Those of you following my Twitter probably have noticed how much I've been complaining about doctors lately. Well, ignoring how hard it was to find someone to treat me in this bloody city, I have been having some digestive problems that I'd been, well, keeping secret.
For a while now I've had pretty mild heartburn at night occasionally and because of my irrational Iatrophobia I just ignored it until recently. (Yes, I know, do as I say, not as I do...) What happened was (according to what my PA thinks), the reflux and heartburn caused an excess development of mucus in my throat to heal any damage. What resulted was a constant feeling of a coated throat which was amplified when I ate anything. When I ate, I had to hack up the stuff pretty frequently which understandibly kind of killed my appetite.
Hopefully, the pretty lame medicine she perscribed (all OTC stuff, gee) will take care of it. So far it seems to have helped quite a bit. I'm very glad she didn't say anything was weight-related or mention anything about that. Even moreso, I was relieved to see my weight is recovering already. 243, according to their fancy scale.
Speaking of Twitter, though, I'm thinking of autoupdating it with my blog posts. Now that I'm getting back into the swing of things, maybe I'll start posting more than once a week. We shall see.
Burned
I was hoping to have some pictures for this week, but in going to the amusement and water park this past week, I got myself a nasty sunburn that makes me look silly. It's starting to peel already though, which is a good thing.
It was nice to take a little vacation like that. Going to the water park was an interesting thing, as well. It was the first time I had been shirtless in public in quite some time--probably the last time was about 40 pounds ago. I was a little self-conscious at first, but my boyfriend certainly liked it. Also, it helped that it was an Ohio water park, so there were plenty of other hefty guys walking about to make me look normal.
I'm not sure why I felt so self conscious. It's been happening off and on lately. I think it's because I haven't been going to the gym lately. My love handles are getting wider than my back, and that's a good sign I'm letting my fat get ahead of my muscle. Unfortunately, I'm running out of time at my university's gym, I'm going to have to start looking for another gym in town. Considering I don't have a job, it'll be hard to pay for one.
I'll get a picture post up next week after I'm done shedding my sunburn. Is there anything you guys would like to see?
Making Up for Lost Pounds
Unlike most people I know, when I get stressed out I actually eat less. I get too focused on whatever I'm working on( say, studying for finals) and I simply forget to eat. So, instead of gaining in my last weeks of college, I ended up losing about fifteen pounds on accident. Although I don't think you could notice if you looked at me. I do honestly feel the same size--if not bigger.
Nevertheless, my first priority is to regain that weight. I'm going to try to find things that I love to snack on and keep a good stock of those things. So far it has helped as I've at least gained five of those pounds back. This is perhaps aided by how sedentary I've been lately.
After graduation, I got a new computer for a graduation present, so most of my time has been spent in front of my shiny new monitor. It doesn't help that both of us here have been sick for a while, though. I've been neglecting the gym and other hobbies, but I feel I deserve a little break from my responsibilities.
I've got no job and no school to worry about, so I'm going to make this summer a summer of weight gain!
College
Boy, college was certainly good to me. I can't believe it's already been four years. So much has changed since I started but it feels now like it was only yesterday.
When I was feeling all nostalgic, I remembered the pictures my parents had taken of me when they moved me into my first dorm room. Sifting through all my old emails from my mother (and believe me, there are a LOT of them) I managed to find them. I couldn't believe how different I looked--almost like a completely different person. Back in those pictures, I was so nervous about everything, and very self-conscious. When I see them I can feel all that emotion again.
Final Finals
Goodness, this month is going to be crazy. Last week I had a trio of midterm exams to start off my final month of my final semester. So, unfortunately there's not much else on my mind. At the same time though, everyone seems to want me to think about other things. Graduation invites, celebrations... I really just don't have the time.
This poor blog hasn't gotten the attention I wanted to give it lately because of school. But, the idea of finally graduating and having a ton of time to do anything I want is very appealing. So, I suppose you'll just to have bear with me until then. I'll have plenty of things to report once I finally get this over with. Not just your your sake, but for mine as well. It's time to get that scale moving again!
