2009 wasn't a very good year for New Year's resolutions. Typically I give myself pretty achievable tasks, but this past year apparently was too rough to even achieve those. Of course, the biggest thing was my weight. The entire year, I waffled between 235 and 250 pounds like a car stuck in the mud.
I've set up an Excel file to track my calories each day and week. If I don't hit my minimum by a certain time at night, I have to make an emergency run to Burger King or something and get what I need. No excuses. Time to get firm with myself.
I managed to snag my father's Gorillapod for my camera, so I'll be able to take some more exciting photos. I'm going to be taking a lot of progress photos, if this all goes to plan.
2010 will be the year I hit 300.
Resolutions
Outerwear
I used to really hate winter. Well, I still do (what's the point in snow now that it can't cancel class?), but I used to hate winter because it forced all the studly college boys to cover their bodies with bulky jackets and such. Now, I don't mind so much. A truly large guy's size is actually accentuated by a nice jacket or hoodie, I've found. Plus it also makes me look bigger than I actually am.
Needless to say, that day turned out very well. It's amazing what a little boost in self-confidence can do for your productivity.
Hunger
A huge side effect of all this beer drinking and binge eating seems to be an increase in my appetite. I tend to be hungry a bit more often, but when I am it's quite noticeable. Like audible gurgling noticeable. I don't really see it as a problem--I'm almost proud of how often it occurs--because it forces me to eat more often. The only trouble is when I am in, say O'Hare airport where all the food costs me an arm and a leg, I have to just deal with the pangs as best I can.
It is quite powerful, these hunger pangs. As an example, it used to be before tests and such, I am usually a nervous, anxious mess. I can't even stand the thought of eating, when I'm like that. But before the test that I took on Sunday (and believe me, I was nervous), the hunger seemed to overpower it. I had to make several food stops before and after it! I was quite impressed with myself.
The only trouble is, if I have to ignore the hunger for too long, it almost seems to go away. If I had a graph of my hunger over time, it would spike immediately and slowly taper off. This, I assume, is a product of my childhood where I would frequently ignore meals out of laziness. I need to learn to act on my hunger immediately, not only to take advantage of a large appetite, but also to decrease the amount of time until this gut starts rumbling again.
Diary of a Gainer
I'm quite disappointed in myself. Back when I first started this blog, I promised myself that I would stick to it and not let it collect dust like every other Blogger blog out there. It was quite easy to maintain that promise while I was still gaining weight like crazy and attracting so much attention. Granted, this blog has already outlasted the majority of blogs on the web, but as the pounds stopped piling on, there was less and less to talk about.
It is entirely my fault, this dust-collecting. I tried too hard to make it interesting to you, the readers, to read. It's hard to not become infatuated with the attention I've been given over the years. But unfortunately, that meant if I couldn't think of anything worth writing about, I didn't write anything at all. So, in an attempt to reignite my desire to chronicle this experience of mine, I've given the old blog a new coat of paint and I've decided to change up the tone a bit.
So, from now on this is more of a journal than a blog. The main reason I keep this place alive is that I want to be able to look back on my experiences. I want to be able to remember what it was like to be that skinny, pale 140-pound teenager yearning for a body he could be proud of. While I would hope it were interesting enough for folks to check on a regular basis, I'm going to stop worrying about that and focus more on keeping my motivation alive.
It has been tough lately, though. I have a huge test tomorrow up in Chicago that has taken up almost every ounce of my attention over the past few months, and I'm not even sure if I can pass this year! On top of that, my boyfriend was generous enough to share his (swine?) flu with me here in our shoebox apartment, so I'm not even going to be at 100% mental strength for it. Despite this, I've been in oddly good spirits. I feel as if my belly has grown in the past few weeks, even if the scale says no change in weight. Every morning, I'm greeted by a shapely form that I cannot resist hefting and wobbling in the shower. It's sparked quite a bit of creativity in me, as well--I've been doodling occasionally and have some very creative story ideas floating around my head just begging to be written down.
It is amazing what being happy in your body does for your esteem. The only thing that bums me out is that I haven't been to the gym since graduating college in May. I've been doing occasional push-ups and curls with milk jugs, but somehow it's just not quite the same. Hopefully by the time it gets warmer around here again, I'll have a job and enough income to start going to a real gym again.
Then again, I've said something along those lines almost every month. Who knows what'll happen this time.
Beer Belly
About two months ago, my boyfriend and I were out at Sonic getting a late-night snack. On the way back, we passed a nearby night club that was absolutely packed with people. As we creeped along in front of it, careful not to run over the stumbling clubbers making their way in and out, I spotted next to the door the largest man I'd ever seen. He was definitely the bouncer of the place, perched on a stool with a gut that went out to his knees.
Of course, I was blown away at the sight, but more surprisingly my boyfriend seemed to be as well. He made a comment about how many beers I'd have to drink to get a gut that size and challenged me to start drinking a few every night.
Now, these events are rare for my boyfriend. He loves big men, but rarely does he see someone in person that strikes his fancy. So I promised him and myself I would start doing just that. Because we're still low on funds, I settled for cheap stuff like Budweiser but I've grown used to the taste (as many Americans have, I assume) and took to drinking a little more each night.
I had never drank beer before in such quantities, as I wasn't such a partier in college, but I had visions of soon being able to chug a pitcher of the stuff in one go, a la that movie Beer Fest. So over the past weeks, that's what I've been going for. It has gotten a lot easier to chug as I go along--right now I can do about a half a can before the 'beer shivers' set in (or whatever they're called).
There've been a lot of articles on whether or not drinking beer really leads to abdominal obesity. In 2003, this BBC article reports on the Czech (my ancestors!) study of beer drinkers and found no link between the amount of beer they drank and their waist size. A year later though, they reported that there was a link found between waist size and binge drinking. So basically, drinking beer doesn't necessarily cause a beer belly, but drinking large amounts in one sitting can.
I can certainly see the reasoning behind this. Drinking six or seven beers really stretches my stomach to new limits. I feel absolutely enormous when I do it (here's some lazy mirror shots--I don't know if you can tell a difference, but I certainly felt bigger than I looked), and on top of that it seems to increase my capacity to eat. It's an absolutely wonderful thing to experience and hopefully these results will only get better.
Vertical Stripes
If you haven't noticed by the clothes I typically wear in photos, I'm not much for formal attire. In fact, I'd much rather be unemployed than work somewhere I'd have to wear a tie at. This internship I have is at a rather high-end skyscraper downtown, so I was begrudgingly forced to buy some nicer clothes. And while I have to suffer through wearing a belt that digs into my belly when I sit and uncomfortable shoes, I got myself something I think all big guys look good in: vertical striped dress shirts.
They don't have to have stripes, but those certainly add to the appeal, in my opinion. I bought myself two extremely comfortable shirts and damn if I don't feel extra attractive when I wear them. Something about how they drape over a belly, with just the slightest bit of pressure on the buttons... it's a total weakness. And that's just the start of it.
I snapped a couple pictures of myself in one of them, as well as an old size M shirt I used to wear to church or something back in the day. They sure show off any progress I may have made in the past weeks, if any. They both seem sort of ill-fitting, as I was pretty bloated with beer that evening--I suppose that makes it a better example of what I was talking about, though.
Recovering
Boy, I missed writing on here. Thank you to everyone who asked how I was doing and sent their regards. I apologize profusely for sort of disappearing so suddenly (as bloggers tend to do), but so much happened that gaining was so far back in my head that I couldn't even bother thinking about it.
Shortly after that last post, my childhood cat Joey (who made a cameo in that last photo) stopped eating. He was fifteen years old and seemed to be on his way downhill. I had to take him to the vet, find out the grim news that there was nothing they could do and put him down. Watching him being put to sleep was by far the hardest thing I had to do in my life. He had been my best friend since I was seven years old.
I was extremely depressed for a while after that. No appetite, no motivation--nothing. Coupled with that, I was desperately searching for a job with no results. Things finally started getting better though, and these days I'm doing alright again. I managed to land myself an unpaid internship, and my parents offered to help me out until it leads to something with income.
I have thought about gaining again. I haven't been able to mention gaining on Twitter, as my sister and subsequently my mother found me on there, so I have to keep that mum over there. But, I do really want to continue, I just cannot at the moment. Since I've graduated, I no longer have gym access and because the job is unpaid I have no money for food. I'm sorry I haven't posted, but all I would talked about was what I wish I could do and complain, and I know no one is really interesting in hearing that.
Things are getting better though. I'm still hovering around what appears to be my new base weight of 240. I'll be back before too long.
Rebound
It's amazing what a simple trip to the doctor can fix. I got prescribed Prilosec for my heartburn, even if that wasn't the main reason I went, and it's done wonders already. I should have tried the stuff when I had the chance, but I misread the price and dosing and all that.
But that's all in the past now, I suppose. Now that my throat doesn't clog up when I eat, I'm able to eat much larger meals without any real trouble. Meals that I couldn't finish just a couple weeks ago are a snap to finish now. I also picked up some weight gain powder at the new Vitamin Shoppe that's opened up in town, so things are looking good. My weight is steadily recovering, and I hope to be back to 250 soon.
I had to put this new appetite to the test, though. I always thought that pizza was a good measuring point for my capacity. When I was little, I could only have a couple of slices, and in my early months of gaining I could force myself to finish one large on an empty stomach. Before now, I was back down to just a half of a large, but with that fixed, I wondered if I could go back to a full one. The results? Success! Not even on an empty stomach, even. It took me quite some time, but by the end of it I wasn't ready to explode. Just comfortably content, and proud. I'd call that progress.
Doctors
Those of you following my Twitter probably have noticed how much I've been complaining about doctors lately. Well, ignoring how hard it was to find someone to treat me in this bloody city, I have been having some digestive problems that I'd been, well, keeping secret.
For a while now I've had pretty mild heartburn at night occasionally and because of my irrational Iatrophobia I just ignored it until recently. (Yes, I know, do as I say, not as I do...) What happened was (according to what my PA thinks), the reflux and heartburn caused an excess development of mucus in my throat to heal any damage. What resulted was a constant feeling of a coated throat which was amplified when I ate anything. When I ate, I had to hack up the stuff pretty frequently which understandibly kind of killed my appetite.
Hopefully, the pretty lame medicine she perscribed (all OTC stuff, gee) will take care of it. So far it seems to have helped quite a bit. I'm very glad she didn't say anything was weight-related or mention anything about that. Even moreso, I was relieved to see my weight is recovering already. 243, according to their fancy scale.
Speaking of Twitter, though, I'm thinking of autoupdating it with my blog posts. Now that I'm getting back into the swing of things, maybe I'll start posting more than once a week. We shall see.
Burned
I was hoping to have some pictures for this week, but in going to the amusement and water park this past week, I got myself a nasty sunburn that makes me look silly. It's starting to peel already though, which is a good thing.
It was nice to take a little vacation like that. Going to the water park was an interesting thing, as well. It was the first time I had been shirtless in public in quite some time--probably the last time was about 40 pounds ago. I was a little self-conscious at first, but my boyfriend certainly liked it. Also, it helped that it was an Ohio water park, so there were plenty of other hefty guys walking about to make me look normal.
I'm not sure why I felt so self conscious. It's been happening off and on lately. I think it's because I haven't been going to the gym lately. My love handles are getting wider than my back, and that's a good sign I'm letting my fat get ahead of my muscle. Unfortunately, I'm running out of time at my university's gym, I'm going to have to start looking for another gym in town. Considering I don't have a job, it'll be hard to pay for one.
I'll get a picture post up next week after I'm done shedding my sunburn. Is there anything you guys would like to see?
Making Up for Lost Pounds
Unlike most people I know, when I get stressed out I actually eat less. I get too focused on whatever I'm working on( say, studying for finals) and I simply forget to eat. So, instead of gaining in my last weeks of college, I ended up losing about fifteen pounds on accident. Although I don't think you could notice if you looked at me. I do honestly feel the same size--if not bigger.
Nevertheless, my first priority is to regain that weight. I'm going to try to find things that I love to snack on and keep a good stock of those things. So far it has helped as I've at least gained five of those pounds back. This is perhaps aided by how sedentary I've been lately.
After graduation, I got a new computer for a graduation present, so most of my time has been spent in front of my shiny new monitor. It doesn't help that both of us here have been sick for a while, though. I've been neglecting the gym and other hobbies, but I feel I deserve a little break from my responsibilities.
I've got no job and no school to worry about, so I'm going to make this summer a summer of weight gain!
College
Boy, college was certainly good to me. I can't believe it's already been four years. So much has changed since I started but it feels now like it was only yesterday.
When I was feeling all nostalgic, I remembered the pictures my parents had taken of me when they moved me into my first dorm room. Sifting through all my old emails from my mother (and believe me, there are a LOT of them) I managed to find them. I couldn't believe how different I looked--almost like a completely different person. Back in those pictures, I was so nervous about everything, and very self-conscious. When I see them I can feel all that emotion again.
Final Finals
Goodness, this month is going to be crazy. Last week I had a trio of midterm exams to start off my final month of my final semester. So, unfortunately there's not much else on my mind. At the same time though, everyone seems to want me to think about other things. Graduation invites, celebrations... I really just don't have the time.
This poor blog hasn't gotten the attention I wanted to give it lately because of school. But, the idea of finally graduating and having a ton of time to do anything I want is very appealing. So, I suppose you'll just to have bear with me until then. I'll have plenty of things to report once I finally get this over with. Not just your your sake, but for mine as well. It's time to get that scale moving again!
5 Tips for Gaining
Even though I haven't been too successful in putting on weight lately, I have acquired some things that have worked for me in the past, as well as lessons I've learned that I can warn you new gainers out there of. So, I put together this little list of tips and tricks.
1. Don't worry about eating huge meals.
One of the things I focused too much on when I was first starting out was being able to eat large meals in single sittings. While that certainly helps when you begin to need more calories to maintain your weight, when you first begin to gain it is not a crucial.
Instead, focus on consistently eating. Between your meals, try to snack on anything you can. Keep something in sight so you remember to do so. I grew up only eating when I needed to, so I often forgot to eat at all. So, to get around that, or to get yourself into the habit of snacking, set up timers or get someone to remind you every two hours to get anything to eat. Remember, it takes just two weeks to make a habit of something.
2. Go on an Anti-Diet
A good way of thinking about what you need to eat is looking at what other people avoid when they're losing weight. Do the opposite of Atkins and load up on carbohydrates. Do the opposite of what breakfast food companies suggest and skip breakfast (the point being, by the time you get to lunch you'll be so hungry that you'll unintentionally overeat).
One good thing that diets suggest that is good for gainers is to keep track of your intake. Just calculate how many base calories you burn in a day (which depends on your weight) and any amount you consume after that amount goes toward your new weight. Since it takes 3500 extra calories to gain one pound, try to spread that amount over however many days you wish you gain that pound.
3. Protect your skin
I know that some of you guys like stretchmarks, but for those of us that don't, you can attempt to prevent them in several ways. You can use specialty lotion designed for pregnant women which cocoa or shea butter. I myself had a pretty severe allergic reaction to that stuff, so I stuck with vitamin E lotion. Be sure to apply it daily, particularly before a day when you plan to eat big. Also, to answer a question someone brought up, for the most part, stretch marks do not go away unless you lose that weight again--and even then they would just come back if you gained it back. However, for the majority of guys I know, they do get less pronounced and red as time goes on.
There are other problems that start to show up as you get bigger. When your thighs get to the point that they rub together when you walk, be sure to be proactive in preventing callousing. I've seen a lot of big guys whose skin looks well maintain, but when you see between their thighs or under their arms, their skin is very brown, rough and hard. It's generally an enormous turnoff, because it's a sign that you're not taking care of your body. Plus, it's extremely uncomfortable! So, be sure to use baby powder or wear boxer briefs. Just take a look at how worn my pair got after a few months!
4. Go to the gym
I'm not saying you should do any cardio, but lifting weights will do nothing but help you. Spend plenty of time working on your legs and lower back to help carry your future weight. In addition, working your upper body will only make you look bigger. The awesome thing is, because you're consuming so many calories and protien, your muscles will be fueled better and faster than most men there! Think of it as a permanent bulking phase.
And don't worry about burning too many calories. Lifting weights really don't burn that much at all. By the time you get home and have a sandwich, you'll have gained back what you lost. But, just like weight lifters, be sure to have a protien-packed, large meal right away.
5. Be patient!
The people who generally want to gain weight are those who can't do it very easily. As such, you can't be impatient when it comes to results. Even if you don't see any, keep trying. You'll run into similar plateaus down the road where the same mentality applies. Sometimes all it takes is trying something new. For me, it was going to the gym for a year.
If all else fails, try again later down the road. I attempted to gain in high school only to see absolutely zero results. It was immensely frustrating and I did give up, but a true gainer can't resist their desire to be bigger. Even if it takes waiting a year to let your metabolism slow down, you'll get there. Just keep trying!
Lazy Lazy
I don't have much to report this week either, really. Spring Break ends tomorrow and boy, I haven't done anything this week. The vast majority of my time was spent sleeping or playing video games. I haven't eaten a whole lot, but I sure have been pretty sedentary. It was a shame I didn't get to go on my cruise, but my parents have offered to buy me a pair of cruise tickets for a graduation present, and it's very tempting.
I don't know how this has affected my weight yet. I've decided not to weigh myself for a while. It's made me a little less concerned about putting on weight as fast as possible, and I like that. Who knows how long that will last though, hah.
More exciting post next week, I promise.
Spring Break
Oh dear, is it Sunday already? I've sort of lost track of time, as my final spring break ever started on Thursday. Unfortunately on that same day, I also had more work done on my toes (hopefully for the last time) so it got off to a pretty uncomfortable start. We're not going anywhere this time either, as the cruise plans fell through, so I'm pretty much just going to spend this week being pretty sedentary. Not that I mind.
I found out I got my first impersonator the other day (thank you for the tip, anon). I'm a little flattered that I've been deemed attractive enough to impersonate, unlike the collegehumor incident where the guy was just in it for the money. Usually it's guys like bigbryan or huge superchubs who get the impostors. I'm starting to get a tad annoyed that he seems to be ignoring my request to take the profile down, though. I'm not saying you should harass him about it, but I'll just leave the link to the profile here (Well, that was fast! Thanks guys). He even cataloged all the pictures I've posted on this blog. I suppose that's the risk you run by having so much content up in public view. Still, it's interesting that there are so many impersonators in this community. You'd think that impersonating a fat man would be something that wouldn't be so common, given the stigma they have in most situations.
But yes, my name is not Jim and I'm not from New York. For those of you who don't know, my name is Pete, and I hate myspace.
The Hunt for Shorts
Okay, so, I've always had a big butt. I admit it. Even at 140 pounds I did. I would have weighed even less if it weren't for my legs, which were a bit disproportionally muscular. This is due to an embarrassing nighttime habit I had as a child all the way up until high school. When I was working with my extremely gay boss before I had gained anything, he said I had a pretty 'ghetto booty.' Keep in mind, this is what I looked like (I wore that exact thing on a regular basis there)
Gaining weight is slowly making it come into proportion, I think. Unfortunately, it's still kind of hard to find pants that fit because of it. Take, for example, my old brown shorts that you've seen a lot here. (Best example: in these posts) They fit fine for the longest time, but slowly just got a bit uncomfortable. I can still put them on, but what (typically with all my pants) happens is that the back gets very tight and the front is very loose. I don't mind until I sit down.
So no luck was had a Walmart last night--you haven't seen horror until you've been to a Kentucky Walmart--and the prices at Casual Male XL are just absurd ($98 for a pair of shorts? Really?) and both of those places are just so... lame. Their clothes are for older, more professional fat men. Where's the semi-stylish clothes for fat young guys? I know I'm not the only one.
Edit - Don't get me wrong guys, I'm not complaining. I'm actually pretty giddy that I'm outgrowing some stores. I'm just worried I'm going to lose my last pair of shorts before I can find another!
Waists
It's very strange how my perception of my own waist size hasn't changed one bit throughout my entire life. It makes sense, seeing as how rarely I see myself from the side and behind, but the only thing I have to go by is my weight. If I've gained weight, I have to assume maybe I've moved up a pant size.
I've never once picked up a pair of pants and been able to guess the size that fits on the first try. Like most people I tend to underestimate pant sizes, but unlike most people that actually makes me pretty happy. The other day, I go to buy some new shorts. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've basically got one pair that I wear almost constantly. They're perfect for me, though. Soft, light, and most importantly, elastic. They're a lazy man's shorts, basically.
Anyway, I find a more appropriate pair at Target (my favorite place to shop) and decide to try them on. I pick up a pair of 38"s because that's what I usually wear in shorts (pants tend to be a bit tighter, so I get 40"s). Before going to try them on--something I never used to do but now have no choice--I remember what I said above, how I always underestimate the size. So, I swap out for the 40"s. These things look like you could use them as a sail, so I'm thinking maybe they're too big, but I go to try them on anyway.
They don't fit. I almost busted the butt in them when I sat down. I haven't gained hardly anything since the last time I tried on pants and I've had no trouble with my current pair, so I chalked it up to an undersized pair, but that was the largest pair they had. In fact, most of the sizes of clothes at Target stop at 40 inches. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start shopping somewhere else--maybe even a specialty store.
The thing that hit me the most, though, was how wrong I was about the size of that thing. Something I thought was far too big (I mean, you could pitch a tent with these things, man) ended up being too small. That means I have a pretty big butt, but I hadn't noticed one bit! I still only wear Large-size shirts, and yet my waist size is going up and up. Do I really have such a big butt?
Inflatable Git
Sorry about the delay. Unfortunately, I'm still feeling pretty crummy, but luckily earlier in the week I got a chance to do what I intended to do for Sunday's post. One of my readers was awesome enough to send me an air pump for me as sort of an early birthday present. I had always wanted to try out inflation, so I was eager to get to it.
I had dabbled with water inflation when I was younger, so I had a good idea of what to do and how to be safe with it. I'd been watching a lot of inflaters on YouTube lately and it was just almost fate that I got to try it for my birthday! I took some very nsfw pictures while I was doing it that you can view if you so choose here. (warning- pantless/naked and some butt shots)
It might not be something you guys care to see, but it's a good way to add some new video material in between my gaining dry spells, and hopefully it will increase my appetite. Plus, I enjoy it like crazy, so hopefully I'll stick with it if only for my sake. If any of you guys do inflate yourselves, any tips you can share would be great.
Here's a short video clip I took. I'm not sure if you can tell a difference at all but you can tell how much I was loving it. I also apologize for how horribly unshaven I am; I blame the illness.
ps. thanks for the birthday wishes!
Glutton
I apologize again for the whiny tone of that last post. I was in kind of a worrying state of mind because I had some minor surgery (if you can even call it that) in store a few days after. My two big toes had some pretty serious ingrown nails and infections. I had put off going to the doctor for far too long (almost a year) and was afraid of what was going to come of the procedure.
It wasn't too bad though. I'll spare you the details, but I was off of my feet for all of last week outside of going to class. I don't think I was any lazier than I usually am, but I've gained some weight back that I lost from slacking off over the past few weeks.
I want to thank you guys who commented on that last post. I know I should just go with the flow, but it seems the more I grow, the more and faster I want to grow. It's a pretty greedy mindset, but I can't seem to think otherwise. I almost feel it’s necessary for a gainer or bodybuilder.
When I was little--both in age and in size--I remember being told I was annoyingly modest. I disliked being that way, but I didn't really have the confidence to behave any other way. Nowadays, I still maintain some of those mannerisms out of habit, but the truth is when I get compliments from you guys, I eat it up. I am proud of what I've achieved and I love actually getting attention for it. I'm just a big greedy, prideful, lazy bastard.
It sounds terrible when I write it like that, but it's true. I can't defend myself. I'm purposefully being inactive, putting on weight because I'm attracted to it and subsequently chronicling it on the internet. That's, like, four sins right there. I don't feel bad about it, though. Being happy and proud of my body is much more preferable to being unhappy and annoyingly modest.
I do worry about becoming too prideful, though. I know of a lot of gainers and even more bodybuilders who are just the biggest assholes you'd ever seen. I like to think that I can use my jealousy of bigger men (yet another sin) to keep me in my place. So, as long as I don't become the largest man on the planet, hopefully my personality won't change. If that fails, I hope you guys will give me a good internet smack and put me in my place!
Too Young to Gain?
That's a thought that's been on my mind a lot lately. The weather's finally gotten warm again here in Kentucky, and my urge to go to the gym has been restored. I've been making pretty good progress there, because of all my eating. My arms and chest have gotten bigger, and even if its just because of a layer of fat on them, I'm really proud of how I look. I catch a lot of looks at the gym, and that makes me very happy.
The way I eat and my activity level would probably balloon me up in no time if I were, say, 10 years older. It's no secret that older men are more prone to gaining weight; people tell me that all the time. I know I won't be any different when I age some more as well, but I don't want to wait to continue my gaining.
I wish there were more guys who I could talk to about this. The vast majority of gainers out there are older men, and most who are my age are much smaller than I am. The ones who are bigger than me have been fat their entire lives and don't have much advice to offer. Am I lucky to have gotten this far at my age, considering how much of a hardgainer I am? Don't get me wrong, I'm more than thankful that I have gained what I have. People approach me all the time now asking how I broke past the initial wall of gaining, and I can only tell them to be patient. I guess I should follow my own advice.
I apologize for the whining, but that's what journals are for sometimes, right? There is one thing that can really get me eating no matter what... but that's a topic for next week.
Ho Hum
Slow times here in Kentucky. If you haven't been reading the news, my poor state was hit hard with an ice storm last week. Luckily our apartment complex didn't lose power like some half a million others (including my old complex), but we were pretty snowed in. It was nice to not have to go to class for a few days, but the cupboards are getting pretty bare. I've actually lost a little weight (but not size), which is really discouraging.
Thankfully, in true Kentucky weather tradition, its now 50 degrees outside and everything seems to be melting. I'm going to finally make my way to the gym and get back into the groove. Last month I only went about three times and started to get used to being really lazy. Outside of Warcraft, occasional drawing and eating (not as much as I should), not much has been going on.
As such, I don't have much to talk about this week. I had some ideas before, but in my lazy stupor I seem to have forgotten them. Hopefully this coming month will be more eventful. At the very least, my birthday is coming up on the 27th. Is there anything you guys would like me to talk about next week? Nothing is off-limits, here. Let me know.
Double Unemployed
It's so nice to have a new president! Especially when it's the one I wanted ever since before the primaries. It's hard not to be optimistic about what is in store for this country, but unfortunately it seems like he's started a bit too late for us. My poor boyfriend got laid off from his job at the University this past week. So even more unfortunate, money is going to be real tight for a while. (If you want to help out, just click on those annoying ads between my posts. I actually get a decent amount of money from them.)
But, on the other hand, being unemployed means I can be lazy. And boy have I taken advantage of that. Yesterday was spent just playing World of Warcraft (the ultimate teenager weight gain system). From sun up (or around 4pm, when I awoke) to sun set, I was on my poor straining office chair clickin' away. This sort of laziness may be why I feel like I'm getting bigger. I haven't been eating as much because we can't afford to go out so much, and I haven't even put on a noticable amount of weight according to my scales, but I feel bigger. My hips look wider, my chest feels heavier and my belly seems to take up more of my lap than it used to.
It's gotten to the point that my waistband has completely dissappeared under my gut when I sit down, and especially when I lean forward like when I'm on my computer. Over long periods of time, it starts to get pretty uncomfortable. It's then I can see why some huge men wear their pants over their belly. It's a definite relief, but I still don't approve of it. That look rarely looks attractive to me (but when it does, mm mm), and even worse it leaves such horrible markings across your belly that may become permanent.
I've been toying with the idea of buying some suspenders, to see how they feel. I know they're kind of out of style, but I actually think they look pretty good when they're worn properly. You know, pants under the gut, suspenders to each side of a massive protruding gut? That's a wonderful look, especially on men who need them. And I have a feeling I'm going to need them one day.
Fathead
One of the things I had always hated about my old body was my head. My father passed to me, from his otherwise gainer-friendly genes, his oversized skull. I mean, we're talking too-big-for-one-size-fits-all-hats big. You can probably tell from my earlier pictures that this has been something I've been very self-conscious about most of my life. I never liked my face or my head, so I just cropped it out when I could. There were just so many complaints... my nose was too narrow, my chin was too pointy, my jaw wasn't square and manly and on top of that, I had a pencil neck. Worst of all I couldn't pull off short hair. Longer hair disguised the fact that my head was too big for my tiny little body, but wasn't the masculine hair style I wished I had. (If you dare to look, check out a picture here)
It seems that gaining weight is remedying this. 
I had worried that my face wouldn't fill out because that sort of thing is up to one's genetics. But thankfully, from the progress I've made so far, I can tell that I'll develop a look that I can be very proud of. Perhaps it's only a matter a time before I look something like this:
Woof.
International Admirers
I really like that Feedjit application on my sidebar there. I'll admit I check it quite regularly. It's nice to see where people are coming from when they arrive on this blog, both in the internet and in the world. Some of the places you guys are from is pretty unexpected. (てさ、本当に太い男好き人はいるか、日本に？僕は少し日本語分かるから、コメントしなさいね！) I guess it's just hard to imagine people outside of America liking big guys. That aspect of the US is usually what most other countries seem to hate.
It's also pretty interesting to see what people search for when this page pops up. I like that many people are looking for me directly, but there's also those who are searching for keywords and just sort of stumble upon my blog. It makes me wonder how many people are searching for weight loss blogs and end up here somehow. Since I share a lot of the same keywords as those other blogs, I wonder how often that happens.
And even then, I wonder what they think. It's been a while since I've gotten some outside criticism about what I'm doing. I think I'm getting a little spoiled from all the wonderful compliments and support I've been getting from everyone here and on YouTube. (Especially on YouTube, I usually expect to get a lot of negative comments on my videos, but lately...) Still, everyone likes to hear positive things, I suppose.
I've actually been dying to talk with some bigger men, out there. What with Chubspot down, I can't seem to find anyone to talk with about pretty large sizes. All of my gaining 'idols' seem pretty hard to get a hold of, or don't have much interest in being essentially interviewed by guys like me, I suppose. Still, I have a lot of burning questions to ask guys who've lived in the kind of body I'm working for.
The gym's finally reopened and I've been getting back into my workout groove. Also, my last semester of classes starts up this week. It's only a matter of time before I graduate (hopefully) 30 pounds heavier! For my last Spring Break, my future in-laws have offered to take us on a cruise, so hopefully that will give me a much-needed boost.
250lbs Video
Sorry about the delay. The past few days my appetite just wasn't there. I'd have a huge craving (usually for Taco Bell, lately) but then I wouldn't be able to finish whatever I was eating. It's comin' back though.
Anyway, not much to say for this post. I made this video at 5am, so I was sort of at loss as to what to do, but I think I look noticeably bigger. Apologies for the farmer's tan.
